Things women do in work bathrooms

1. We hurry. We hate that anyone saw us go in there, so we rush through whatever it is we went in for - bra adjustment, slip fix, adding forgotten eyeliner or tampon, or maybe actually using the toilet - so we can rush back out like the demure flowers we like everyone to think we are. Real ladies don't need to camp out, magazine in tow, to finish our business. Not in the public potty, anyway.
2. We wait. We wait out the dense or straight out stupid women who don't get it that we are not sitting in the stall because it smells good or because the seat is oh-so-soft. Please don't put on MORE makeup if you notice we are still in there quiet. That silence is purposeful. We are WAITING for you to get OUT!!!!! We want to get back to Rule #1, if you just give us a minute of privacy!!
3. We cry. How many times have I held that waterfall until I made it into that bathroom so that nasty client/colleague/manager I'm dying to impress didn't see me give in to the stress relief that sometimes overwhelms me??
4. We gossip. I don't know why we feel a room with sound-amplifying tile, a door usually not within sight, and scores of vents is more private than anywhere else, but we do. And we ALWAYS live to regret it. "Cone of silence," it ain't.
5. We hide. We hate the project we've been assigned/person sharing our cubicle who is too thin/boss who won't stop snorting when laughing, and frankly, this is the first and easiest place to go to without needing any explanation. Smokers have to go down to the parking garage and that's too far right now.
6. We change. We take the work persona off and become the person we are after work that we rarely let anyone at work see- a reluctant soccer coach, a wannabe gym rat, a concert goer reliving their heyday with friends (please let me get to the elevator before anyone sees this Van Halen groupie get up I have on!!), etc.
7. We regroup. When discovering a bathroom is empty (like after the 10:30 coffee rush. but before the 11:45 pre-lunch makeup toucher upper), women will frequently sit in the stall and close their eyes for just a minute. A quick mental cat-nap, if you will, to pretend we are not at work... but then we remember #2 and realize the person next to us is veeeeery quiet. Oops.