Just wondering: Money or time…

If you HAD to choose more of one or the other for your family, which would it be? I’m asking from the real world “have to pay bills and then some” sense, not the “what should I say” answer. Anyone who has had the pendulum swing too hard in one direction may have clear answers, but for most of us who have ridden the economic rollercoaster of life, we’ve probably had both at some time in the past. Which really matters the most?




• More time allows you to bond over the everyday things with your kids – watching every sports practice, helping with more homework, getting to know their friends, being around for the driving and cleaning of rooms
• More money allows more sports and music practices, as well as tutoring/Scouts/private lessons on the schedule. It allows for better quality clothes and school equipment (like the stuff they take in, and the computer they play on at night). It gives you the opportunity to spend vacation time away in nice locales
• More time gives you more “catching up” time with your spouse or loved ones. It provides time to plan, think, and organize, together. Time gives you uninterrupted movie nights/poker games/walks alone with your partner
• More money gives you the opportunity to schedule a specific number of weekends away, or a night out once a month to go somewhere nice. Money allows for gift-giving to each other when wanted or needed
• More time gives you space to make crafts, go on picnics, and find free fun wherever you go
• More money can build you a lifestyle with a nicer house or car than expected
• More time can be used to be generous with others – extended family, church, community
• More money can be used to pay the bills every month, on time, with some left over
• More time can reduce stress because there is less rushing to complete tasks
• More money can reduce stress because you never have to look at your children, or into a mirror, and say – we can’t afford that



When we organize our life around the partner, job, commute and activities we chose, which one do you have more of? Is that what you expected to end up with? Is it ok?
And if you want to change it, is that even possible? What would it take for you to change?

BMI (My daughter and how school isn't helping)

Since when is a funnel cake an appropriate breakfast? I don't even know where to start.

My daughter's weight has long been as issue for me. I am not as thin as I would like to be - not big secret. I am an American woman (enough said, right?!). But for my daughter, I have really made an effort to say the right things, fill her calendar with activities and playdates, and never even buy white bread (let alone let her eat it). So when elementary school starts and I see the cafeteria calendar show up each month, I am stymied as to the planning that goes into it.

I have read all kinds of stories about schools who range from having no funding and can barely afford breakfast programs, all the way to programs of total health/no soda in vending machines/buying from local farmers and then assume my daughter's school will likely fall somewhere in the middle. But when from her lunch meal plan, salad is never a main option, water is an extra cost, and 75% of food is fried and processed, I realize that even a "good" school district can fall short. Don't even get me started on the once-a-week 40-minute gym class.

When that BMI letter comes home each fall, stating that my daughter has been weighed without my permission and evaluated as overweight, I can't help but be enraged that the school is a major contributor. As a requirement of registering, I have already had to provide the up-to-date paperwork from her latest doctor's physical, so I am clear on her health status. Do they think they are telling me something I DON'T know??

To be clear - when I send lunch, it involves soy milk, fruit, an appropriate portion for a sandwich and a 100-calorie snack. Compare that to the average school-provided "Mac and Cheese" meal with a cookie, container of sugary apple juice, and sliced fruit in syrup. And heaven forbid a week goes by when a parent hasn't sent in cupcakes for a birthday or the teacher hasn't handed out candy for some reason. Add in a snack (cookie, chips, pudding) during her after-care program and all seems lost. Short of being a food-nazi and making her crazy or self-conscious, I have to rely on an 8-yr old's food sense from 7:30 am to 6 pm. That is completely unreasonable and again, a major contributor to her weight issues.

I have taken on the personal expense and scheduling nightmare of various extra-curricular sports and dance classes to provide extra physical activity for her. To help in this odyssey, I am off to a nutritionist with her this month (before school starts) to get some education and motivation for us.

I am also going to start writing some letters to the school nurse and board about the state of the lunches. Offering whole wheat bread would be a start.

Getting ready to get ready for school (How to have willpower)

School list - got it. Motivation to shop - oh, please. Budget - don't got it.

I mean, yes, I could ignore/defer another bill to go shopping NOW. Or I could wait until my planned trip on the third weekend in August when I have the appropriate and expected funds to fill my basket at the local giant discount store. I just get so impatient to have everything ready!

With the lack of pregnancy-induced nesting to blame, I guess I have to call it what it is - shopaholism. I just want to go get stuff I can justify. Buying for the kids is too easy. But I have to/want to/need to buy a house this year. So I am TRYING to behave myself these days. So, I wait until it is right.

My daughter even sees it in my face when she asks me to get her list filled - the glow starts to appear, the lean toward my pocketbook, and the anticipatory eye-rolling as I calculate how much time I will need to get there and back before I need to be somewhere else... she's seen it before, this shopping readiness of mine. But, then I stop and say, "Nope - I have that planned for August 22." Damn the willpower. SO unfulfilling.

I hate the thought of only buying a few things at a time. That SO won't cut it. I want to buy it all at once. I LOVE the thought of having all the pencils, markers, binders, glue, paper, tissues, etc. in the cart at one time. THAT is fulfilling. Ryan is only 4. Wait until both kids need stuff - that will be an ORGY of school shopping! I tremble at the thought. Hee hee hee.

Until then, I will have to simply enjoy my ability to wait - THAT will have to suffice as my gratification.

The Third Wheel (aka How I saw Sixteen Candles 11 times)

My best friend in junior high had much more confidence than I did. That confidence translated into having many more boyfriends than I did. But, there was something I had WAY over her. I saw Sixteen Candles 11 times.

I saw it first with agroup of gal pals. That was a given. We had to go. We saw everything in that genre as soon as it came out - although I'm sure I couldn't spell "genre" at the time. "St Elmo's Fire," "Pretty in Pink," "The Breakfast Club" - you know the list. The new Brat Pack at their finest. Some John Huston thrown in there. Everything a young girl, dying for her first true love, could want. Heaven.

I went again, of course, just to make sure I didn't miss anything. And back then, movies stuck around a long time in theaters. (No Blockbusters, DVD's or On Demand for us diehards. We spent cash relentlessly for our favorites.)

I think I went a third time, because it was the summer and I had money to burn. Why not...

So then, how did I rack up the other viewings, you may ask? Well, back to my BFF and the boyfriends thing.

One Saturday night we were supposed to have plans and we were going to the movies. Not sure what to see yet, but "Sixteen Candles" was a distinct possibility. Yep, it was still playing. She called to say that had been asked out by "Cute Boy #1." This was quite a development. Conversation ensued. Plotting. Questions and answers. More plotting. Decisions. It was determined, by us (of course), that they should go to the movies Saturday night, and that I should go with them, just in case. This covered a myriad of bases:
A. I would still have plans with her.
B. If he was a bad date, then we could ditch him at some point and have fun without him.
C. Or, in case it was a good date, I would be the "girlfriend" along so the parents wouldn't say no.

Win -win-win. He agreed. We found a mutually agreeable time, and starting picking out clothes.

So, he was a (disappointing) B.

Another week later, "Cute Boy #2" called. Our original game plan seemed solid, but no new movies. We suggested said game plan, he agreed. Off we went to see "Sixteen Candles." Again. Another B. Sigh.

By "Cute Boy #4" and "#5," we had started making a game of it - we made sure we ordered candy we had never eaten. We wore clothes that belonged to the other person. Whatever change-up we could come up with, we did.

Well, you can do the math - I escorted my BFF through 8 dates of varying successes over that spring and summer. It was a learning experience for everyone. She got to perfect her dating skills, and I became the ultimate third wheel. Don't worry about me, I did eventually date and quite well, in fact, with all the practice I had, vicariously. And the other benefit - I can quote every line in Sixteen Candles (yes, still).

Guys to have "work" crushes on, um, at work

• The young guy - he reminds you of a boyfriend I used to have when I was 20, or reminds me of what I was like when I was 20. Either way, someone is 20, and 20 is good.
• The older guy- he is less picky about women, so I feel less put-upon to impress. He actually appreciates my attention, like he's grateful for my "younger woman" appeal or something. His stories vary from his wife/his ex-wife, the intrigue at the country club, his travels out of state with his college buddies, and out of the country to the "wine country." When I run away from the stress of life, it's with him. Not really, but....
• The podmate- he sees/hears everything anyway, so he may as well be any ally. He is pretty funny and smart (he actually reads, thank goodness), so he is a decent and seemingly patient audience for my venting or stories - whichever seem to be taking over our small space.
• The boss - he has the power, and the great ties that are always tied just so. Why is that hot? He has that commanding walk that says " I got it. I know it. If you need it, just ask me." I wonder where they learn that walk?? (BTW - My husband has this walk, which is why I found HIM so hot and fell for him, way back when. Warning to all you girls at his job - I'm onto you so STAY BACK!!)

#1 Movie in...

1. High School romance: Grease - I want to be pined for, enough for him to change. I want him to be able to sing to me, and even better, dance with me. And the big reveal: I want to look like Olivia in those damn spandex pants.
2. Grownup romance: When Harry Met Sally- To love a funny, quirky man in NY is truly something. When he can endure your quirkiness, priceless. When he is your best friend - you have it all. (You've Got Mail also fits the bill on this one.)
3. Smart men and women I want to hang out with: The American President - Anything Aaron Sorkin writes is worthy of my undying praise in this area.
4. Total female package: Star Wars - Leia kicks ass and all the guys want her (even the slug). She flies, shoots, and don't forget the royalty factor. This flick sums up all my goals.
5. Acceptance: Shallow Hal - anyone who can overlook my less-than-perfect days is a dream date in my book.
6. Motherhood: The Prizewinner of Defiance, Ohio - I know there are TONS of movies that illustrate how far a mother will go to show love for her children, but this one just said "wow" to me, which is what I have felt about my mother since, well... forever.
7. Friendship: Brokedown Palace - the mystery of the ending just makes the bond more enduring.
8. Boys: Stand By Me -each one teaches us something about the life and view of a young man-so critical to a mom of a young fellow growing up.
9. Magic: The Abyss - An unexplainable higher power, broken yet redeemable love, all under water... ahhhh.
10. Vows: The Notebook - lifetime love...'til death do us part. No need to explain this one further. I'm working on this concept myself.

Things women do in work bathrooms

1. We hurry. We hate that anyone saw us go in there, so we rush through whatever it is we went in for - bra adjustment, slip fix, adding forgotten eyeliner or tampon, or maybe actually using the toilet - so we can rush back out like the demure flowers we like everyone to think we are. Real ladies don't need to camp out, magazine in tow, to finish our business. Not in the public potty, anyway.
2. We wait. We wait out the dense or straight out stupid women who don't get it that we are not sitting in the stall because it smells good or because the seat is oh-so-soft. Please don't put on MORE makeup if you notice we are still in there quiet. That silence is purposeful. We are WAITING for you to get OUT!!!!! We want to get back to Rule #1, if you just give us a minute of privacy!!
3. We cry. How many times have I held that waterfall until I made it into that bathroom so that nasty client/colleague/manager I'm dying to impress didn't see me give in to the stress relief that sometimes overwhelms me??
4. We gossip. I don't know why we feel a room with sound-amplifying tile, a door usually not within sight, and scores of vents is more private than anywhere else, but we do. And we ALWAYS live to regret it. "Cone of silence," it ain't.
5. We hide. We hate the project we've been assigned/person sharing our cubicle who is too thin/boss who won't stop snorting when laughing, and frankly, this is the first and easiest place to go to without needing any explanation. Smokers have to go down to the parking garage and that's too far right now.
6. We change. We take the work persona off and become the person we are after work that we rarely let anyone at work see- a reluctant soccer coach, a wannabe gym rat, a concert goer reliving their heyday with friends (please let me get to the elevator before anyone sees this Van Halen groupie get up I have on!!), etc.
7. We regroup. When discovering a bathroom is empty (like after the 10:30 coffee rush. but before the 11:45 pre-lunch makeup toucher upper), women will frequently sit in the stall and close their eyes for just a minute. A quick mental cat-nap, if you will, to pretend we are not at work... but then we remember #2 and realize the person next to us is veeeeery quiet. Oops.