The Third Wheel (aka How I saw Sixteen Candles 11 times)

My best friend in junior high had much more confidence than I did. That confidence translated into having many more boyfriends than I did. But, there was something I had WAY over her. I saw Sixteen Candles 11 times.

I saw it first with agroup of gal pals. That was a given. We had to go. We saw everything in that genre as soon as it came out - although I'm sure I couldn't spell "genre" at the time. "St Elmo's Fire," "Pretty in Pink," "The Breakfast Club" - you know the list. The new Brat Pack at their finest. Some John Huston thrown in there. Everything a young girl, dying for her first true love, could want. Heaven.

I went again, of course, just to make sure I didn't miss anything. And back then, movies stuck around a long time in theaters. (No Blockbusters, DVD's or On Demand for us diehards. We spent cash relentlessly for our favorites.)

I think I went a third time, because it was the summer and I had money to burn. Why not...

So then, how did I rack up the other viewings, you may ask? Well, back to my BFF and the boyfriends thing.

One Saturday night we were supposed to have plans and we were going to the movies. Not sure what to see yet, but "Sixteen Candles" was a distinct possibility. Yep, it was still playing. She called to say that had been asked out by "Cute Boy #1." This was quite a development. Conversation ensued. Plotting. Questions and answers. More plotting. Decisions. It was determined, by us (of course), that they should go to the movies Saturday night, and that I should go with them, just in case. This covered a myriad of bases:
A. I would still have plans with her.
B. If he was a bad date, then we could ditch him at some point and have fun without him.
C. Or, in case it was a good date, I would be the "girlfriend" along so the parents wouldn't say no.

Win -win-win. He agreed. We found a mutually agreeable time, and starting picking out clothes.

So, he was a (disappointing) B.

Another week later, "Cute Boy #2" called. Our original game plan seemed solid, but no new movies. We suggested said game plan, he agreed. Off we went to see "Sixteen Candles." Again. Another B. Sigh.

By "Cute Boy #4" and "#5," we had started making a game of it - we made sure we ordered candy we had never eaten. We wore clothes that belonged to the other person. Whatever change-up we could come up with, we did.

Well, you can do the math - I escorted my BFF through 8 dates of varying successes over that spring and summer. It was a learning experience for everyone. She got to perfect her dating skills, and I became the ultimate third wheel. Don't worry about me, I did eventually date and quite well, in fact, with all the practice I had, vicariously. And the other benefit - I can quote every line in Sixteen Candles (yes, still).

Guys to have "work" crushes on, um, at work

• The young guy - he reminds you of a boyfriend I used to have when I was 20, or reminds me of what I was like when I was 20. Either way, someone is 20, and 20 is good.
• The older guy- he is less picky about women, so I feel less put-upon to impress. He actually appreciates my attention, like he's grateful for my "younger woman" appeal or something. His stories vary from his wife/his ex-wife, the intrigue at the country club, his travels out of state with his college buddies, and out of the country to the "wine country." When I run away from the stress of life, it's with him. Not really, but....
• The podmate- he sees/hears everything anyway, so he may as well be any ally. He is pretty funny and smart (he actually reads, thank goodness), so he is a decent and seemingly patient audience for my venting or stories - whichever seem to be taking over our small space.
• The boss - he has the power, and the great ties that are always tied just so. Why is that hot? He has that commanding walk that says " I got it. I know it. If you need it, just ask me." I wonder where they learn that walk?? (BTW - My husband has this walk, which is why I found HIM so hot and fell for him, way back when. Warning to all you girls at his job - I'm onto you so STAY BACK!!)

#1 Movie in...

1. High School romance: Grease - I want to be pined for, enough for him to change. I want him to be able to sing to me, and even better, dance with me. And the big reveal: I want to look like Olivia in those damn spandex pants.
2. Grownup romance: When Harry Met Sally- To love a funny, quirky man in NY is truly something. When he can endure your quirkiness, priceless. When he is your best friend - you have it all. (You've Got Mail also fits the bill on this one.)
3. Smart men and women I want to hang out with: The American President - Anything Aaron Sorkin writes is worthy of my undying praise in this area.
4. Total female package: Star Wars - Leia kicks ass and all the guys want her (even the slug). She flies, shoots, and don't forget the royalty factor. This flick sums up all my goals.
5. Acceptance: Shallow Hal - anyone who can overlook my less-than-perfect days is a dream date in my book.
6. Motherhood: The Prizewinner of Defiance, Ohio - I know there are TONS of movies that illustrate how far a mother will go to show love for her children, but this one just said "wow" to me, which is what I have felt about my mother since, well... forever.
7. Friendship: Brokedown Palace - the mystery of the ending just makes the bond more enduring.
8. Boys: Stand By Me -each one teaches us something about the life and view of a young man-so critical to a mom of a young fellow growing up.
9. Magic: The Abyss - An unexplainable higher power, broken yet redeemable love, all under water... ahhhh.
10. Vows: The Notebook - lifetime love...'til death do us part. No need to explain this one further. I'm working on this concept myself.

Things women do in work bathrooms

1. We hurry. We hate that anyone saw us go in there, so we rush through whatever it is we went in for - bra adjustment, slip fix, adding forgotten eyeliner or tampon, or maybe actually using the toilet - so we can rush back out like the demure flowers we like everyone to think we are. Real ladies don't need to camp out, magazine in tow, to finish our business. Not in the public potty, anyway.
2. We wait. We wait out the dense or straight out stupid women who don't get it that we are not sitting in the stall because it smells good or because the seat is oh-so-soft. Please don't put on MORE makeup if you notice we are still in there quiet. That silence is purposeful. We are WAITING for you to get OUT!!!!! We want to get back to Rule #1, if you just give us a minute of privacy!!
3. We cry. How many times have I held that waterfall until I made it into that bathroom so that nasty client/colleague/manager I'm dying to impress didn't see me give in to the stress relief that sometimes overwhelms me??
4. We gossip. I don't know why we feel a room with sound-amplifying tile, a door usually not within sight, and scores of vents is more private than anywhere else, but we do. And we ALWAYS live to regret it. "Cone of silence," it ain't.
5. We hide. We hate the project we've been assigned/person sharing our cubicle who is too thin/boss who won't stop snorting when laughing, and frankly, this is the first and easiest place to go to without needing any explanation. Smokers have to go down to the parking garage and that's too far right now.
6. We change. We take the work persona off and become the person we are after work that we rarely let anyone at work see- a reluctant soccer coach, a wannabe gym rat, a concert goer reliving their heyday with friends (please let me get to the elevator before anyone sees this Van Halen groupie get up I have on!!), etc.
7. We regroup. When discovering a bathroom is empty (like after the 10:30 coffee rush. but before the 11:45 pre-lunch makeup toucher upper), women will frequently sit in the stall and close their eyes for just a minute. A quick mental cat-nap, if you will, to pretend we are not at work... but then we remember #2 and realize the person next to us is veeeeery quiet. Oops.

I'm back to being cynical... sigh

Too much has happened since I last wrote to explain why I am changing tone/direction, but suffice it to say that silver linings are not my main goal right now. Controlling my snarling tongue is. I am going to vent, in general terms, about the things that need airing and then I will put them away (I hope).

1. Friends who disappear gradually (as if that makes it ok or less painful) - well, they suck.
2. Feeling overweight all the time and then being dumb enough to eat to make that feeling go away. I suck.
3. People who don't make the effort to make their spouses feel special. Ever. Also sucky. On a whole new level of suckiness.

I have so many things to be thankful for but the list above is overshadowing my ability to enjoy them. I use to be the girl everyone called "bubbly" and so "perky" and that is soooo long gone. Hate that.

I wonder what it will take to stop being angry with everything and get on with the "getting on of things." I was sure that I'd find something that sparked my willingness to go to the gym or run or something and I would recommit to taking care of myself, and yet that "something" hasn't showed itself in like 15 years. That math scares me.

I want to fight and hide all at the same time. Maybe writing will help. I hope so.