I'm back to being cynical... sigh

Too much has happened since I last wrote to explain why I am changing tone/direction, but suffice it to say that silver linings are not my main goal right now. Controlling my snarling tongue is. I am going to vent, in general terms, about the things that need airing and then I will put them away (I hope).

1. Friends who disappear gradually (as if that makes it ok or less painful) - well, they suck.
2. Feeling overweight all the time and then being dumb enough to eat to make that feeling go away. I suck.
3. People who don't make the effort to make their spouses feel special. Ever. Also sucky. On a whole new level of suckiness.

I have so many things to be thankful for but the list above is overshadowing my ability to enjoy them. I use to be the girl everyone called "bubbly" and so "perky" and that is soooo long gone. Hate that.

I wonder what it will take to stop being angry with everything and get on with the "getting on of things." I was sure that I'd find something that sparked my willingness to go to the gym or run or something and I would recommit to taking care of myself, and yet that "something" hasn't showed itself in like 15 years. That math scares me.

I want to fight and hide all at the same time. Maybe writing will help. I hope so.